A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I want a musical about memes.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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