Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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