two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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