did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
