This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
