When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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