you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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