There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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