Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
And then my night got REAL pukey
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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