i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
