I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
