how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
