if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
