he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
