DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
