wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
