alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
