don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
