where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
