I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
