Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
it glows. i had to have it.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
How does it feel to date your dad?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
