White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
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