It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
