At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
