Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
