so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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