how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I can't turn off my feet"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
