I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
