I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
