you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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