Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
