Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
