i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
