yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
