Don't make out with my wife yet
Welp...herpes.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
