i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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