Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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