shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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