I must be too annoying 4 u.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
