Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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