This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
