Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
