Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
