mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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