I think my vagina is haunted
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
