So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
