i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
