if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
