Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
i think my cat just said my name.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
