your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
