I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
