Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
