There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
