There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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